"Dear Respectful One"

DEAR RESPECTFUL ONE,

KINDLY ACCEPT MY APOLOGY FOR SENDING MY MAIL TO YOU,I AM A GOD FEARING PERSON.AND I WANT YOU TO TRUST ME AND HELP ME OUT IN THIS MY CONDITION.I BELIEVE YOU ARE A HIGHLY RESPECTED PERSONALITY.AND I KNOW MY MAIL WILL BE A SURPRISE TO YOU BUT YOU SHOULD UNDERSTAND THAT I WAS TOTALLY CONVINCED TO WRITE TO YOU IN REFERENCE OF THE TRANSFERING OF ... a very large sum of money ... INTO YOUR ACCOUNT FOR ONWARD INVESTMENT IN YOUR COUNTRY. AND I MUST CONFESS THAT MY AGITATIONS ARE REAL AND MY WORD IS MY BOND IN THIS PROPOSAL.

Sadly there are people who actually fall for this endless scheme and lose their savings. Still, the mangled syntax is hilariously funny and its nice to know that I'm a "... highly respected personality." I can put that on a visiting card:

Paul

A Highly Respected Personality

"My agitations are real and my word is my bond"